[DGM] Lament

Theme song: "Jane's Lament" by Kim Planert

Adelphe cut through the crowd littering the docks, Devan at her heels. She kept her head down, neither inviting nor acknowledging the stares their Black Order uniforms attracted. She simply kept her attention focused on the smell of the sea and the cobblesto--

“Daddy!”

A small child’s voice rang out from their left, drawing the attention of both exorcists. A man in sailor garb was standing at the bottom of an unloading ramp with a little girl, no older than eight or nine, running at him.

He had to take a couple steps back to steady himself as the girl collided with him, wrapping her small arms around him as best she could. The man bent down and returned the hug, almost swallowing her tiny frame up in his massive arms. She adjusted her embrace, contently laying her head on his shoulder.

A woman approached the pair, only where the child bore a broad grin the woman was crying. After a moment the man released the child and stood before wrapping who had to have been his wife in a tighter embrace, one she matched. Or tried to, if the way she clung at the backs of his broad shoulders was any indication.

When they pulled away, the man now seemed to be crying too, his face and eyes visibly red even from this distance. He turned back to the little girl, who was pulling at the bottom of his shirt eagerly, and bent down to hug her again.

Over the diminishing crowd, her small voice carried well. “It’s okay, Daddy. You don’t have to cry, everything’s going to be okay.”

It was phrase her mother no doubt had said on many occasions while her father was away, overseas, possibly even fighting. A grown-up phrase. A phrase that Adelphe hadn’t heard or muttered in a long time.

She walked down the hall, wishing with all her young being that she could stop, but knowing if she slowed down the crowd behind her would overcome her and not allow her to leave. And as much as she wanted to stay, she knew she couldn’t. Her younger siblings, on the other hand, didn’t.

“Don’t go, Adelphe!”

They each had their own wording, their own bargains, their own promises that if she didn’t go they would stop replacing her clothes with her sister’s dresses or they wouldn’t be so noisy. But their general plea was the same.

They were too young to understand the implications of their sister being an Accommodator. Even she was too young to fully comprehend it, but years of raising her four younger siblings taught her that sometimes the grown-up thing to do wasn’t the easy thing.

“If you go, who will keep me safe from the monsters?”

“Don’t cry, everything will be alright.”

She turned to Devan, wide-eyed. She’d totally zoned out. “Mm?”

Adelphe brought a hand to her face and her fingertips found moisture. She pulled her hand away and studied it in contempt. She immediately turned away from him and continued down their previous course, though at a quicker pace.

“Adelphe, wait!” It took Devan but a few quick strides to catch up. Once he did, he grabbed her arm to turn her to him. Once she faced him she wrenched her arm free, but in lieu of words she just looked at him as aggressively as possible, trying to deter him from the questions she knew were coming.

Devan could be tenacious too, it seemed. “You remembered something, didn’t you?”

She was taken aback, a cough-like sound released from her throat from her pent-up emotions. “I don’t know wh--”

“Yes, you do,” Devan pointed to where the family had been, but was now an empty area. “Your eyes glazed over and you stared at that spot long after they left.” He sighed as his posture relaxed. “It was you, wasn’t it? Before you joined the Order?”

She shook her head and started to turn away, “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Was he military? A merchant? Your father never came back, did he?”

“I never came back!” Her anger at being hounded and her tears begging to be released worked together, breaking down her wall she always kept between her and the world. “It was me! I got dragged into this God-forsaken war against my will before I even turned twelve. My life was signed over to the Order with a silent rule that I could never contact them again.”

Her shoulders heaved with emotion. “Whether I’m alive or killed in battle or cremated with a thousand fallen finders, my family will never know. I have a sister who was too young to remember me and one who I’ve never met. If they ask where I am or why I can't come home, they will never receive an answer because my family will never know.”

More and more tears marred her face, leaving streaks of clean skin accenting the dirt she’d picked up over the past couple days. “I want to return to them more than anything but I can’t because my life doesn’t belong to me, does it?” She took a deep breath, the first she was able to manage since this outburst began, “So am I military? Merchant? Or just some pathetic kid who was always just one step removed from being a street rat? Whatever it is, I can never go back.”

Devan didn’t make a move to argue, wasn’t preparing to respond or give into her fit. His posture didn’t show he was on the defense at all. Her only clue as to his mindset was in his face, which held only sorrow and compassion. He slowly approached Adelphe, gently wrapping his arms around her shaking shoulders.

Despite herself and her hatred for showing others her emotions, Adelphe all but folded against him, her arms together in front of her chest. Her shaking got worse, especially in her legs, but somehow she felt content right where she was.

She had more words, more grievances, more things that plagued her heart for the many years she spent in the Black Order.

But in the arms of a man who lost his whole family as well, no words were needed.